Words of Wisdom From David Brent

If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation

If you treat the people around you with love and respect, they will never guess that you're trying to get them sacked

If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried

You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back

If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail

There may be no 'I' in team, but there's a 'ME' if you look hard enough

Process and Procedure are the last hiding place of people without the wit and wisdom to do their job properly

Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue

Know your limitations and be content with them. Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do

Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability

Never do today that which will become someone else's responsibility tomorrow

Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who never win and never quit are idiots

If you're gonna be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes - make it an hour and enjoy your breakfast

Remember the 3 golden rules:

1. It was like that when I got here.

2. I didn't do it.

3. (To your Boss) I like your style

Statistics are like a lamp-post to a drunken man - more for leaning on than illumination

A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem really yours or just half of someone else's?

Is your work done? Are all pigs fed, watered and ready to fly?....

Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them